Passing through

This passage has stayed with me all day--and now well into the dark night:

The past is never passed. And there is no such thing as moving on. But there is this telling. And there is such a thing as passing through.

These words are from The Untelling, a brilliant novel by Tayari Jones that I just finished reading. I loved this book; it's the best writing I have read in quite a long while--and if the truth be told, I'm really not much of a lover of fiction.

Tayari's novel is about a family's devastating loss and how it changes their entire physical and emotional landscapes. The story revolves around Aria, who was just 9-years-old when a car accident took the lives of her father and a baby sister.

Years later Aria, her sister and her mother confront their own guilt--by talking about it. And it's through this painful process of telling or untelling--as the case may be--what it is that has shuttered their hearts, which finally allows them to pass through it all.

That passage in The Untelling reminds me of a scent that I have used often in my aromatherapy practice that helps us "pass through" painful and life-altering moments.

Essential oil of Frankincense is the scent that is universally loved and revered for helping us cope with loss. I remember when I first learned this: It was years ago during a workshop I took on Martha's Vineyard with the legendary aromatherapist Jeanne Rose, and she was carrying a little handkerchief infused with the warm, woody and slightly lemon-y scent of Frankincense because she had recently lost a beloved pet.

I have known people to carry a bottle of Frankincense in their purse or pocket for months following a significant loss. Frankincense has long been used for spiritual healing. The incense you smell at church? It's likely Frankincense; it's still widely used in incense form in today's spiritual and religious ceremonies.

Frankincense is extracted from a resin of a tree that originates in the Middle East. Like most oils that come from resins, it's helpful for respiratory conditions. And for purposes of skincare, Frankincense is wonderful for wrinkles and mature skin.

But I have found Frankincense most useful for purposes of coping with loss. In his venerated book, The Complete Guide to Aromatherapy, Australian aromatherapist Salvatore Battaglia explains it like this: "Frankincense slows down breathing and produces feelings of calm. This tends to bring about an elevating and soothing effect on the mind. Ideally used for meditation, it has been discovered that burning frankincense produces a psycho-active substance, trahydrocannabinole, which expands consciousness. Its comforting and refreshing action is helpful for anxious and obsessional states linked to the past."

I have had much success with Frankincense on a therapeutic level as an aromatherapist, and in my work as a natural, artisan perfumer I often use Frankincense in floral/Oriental blends.

In trying to come up with a photo to illustrate this kind of "passing through" that Frankincense can help us achieve, I decided to use this pair of front doors.

My wish for each of you is to know that even if you can't move on, you can indeed pass through.